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  • Writer's pictureSarah Tian

6 Ways to Cultivate a Long & Happy Relationship

Updated: Apr 8, 2022

As I enter the 10th year of my relationship with my partner and having recently read Gottman (1999)'s Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, I have compiled some key take-ways from the book and from my personal experiences on how to cultivate a long-lasting and happy relationship. I hope these will provide some guidance to those who want to improve their relationships!

💡 1. Get to Know Your Partner

How well do you know your partner and how well does your partner know you? Having deep knowledge about each-other is the foundation of any quality relationship.

By frequently discussing how your feel and think about different things, you will get to know each-other more and more over time. The more you understand each-other, the more likely you will weather through the ups and downs of your relationship.

Find some time to get to know your partner every day just a little bit more than the day before. Be curious about how their day went, what is on their minds, what is going well and not as well in their lives.

Exercise: Here are some example questions you can ask each-other:

  • How was your day?

  • What went well? What did not go so well?

  • What are you currently stressed out about?

  • What are your current goals?


💡 2. Nourish Your Admiration for Each Other

Having a fundamentally positive view about your partner will make you more resilient during difficult times. By constantly reminding yourself of their positive qualities, you will less likely to feel contempt (a killer of relationships!) towards them when conflict arises.

Exercise: List down the top 10 positive qualities you admire about your partner and share it with them. Ask your partner to do the same.


💡 3. Let Your Partner Influence You