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Writer's pictureSarah Tian

I Found What Self-Love Means to Me

Self-love can take many forms, and it can look different for each of us. For me, this journey began with a simple yet profound realization one evening: I love myself. It happened during a period of solitude, and I found myself living alone.


I didn’t immediately understand what brought this realization to the surface, but over time, I've pieced together some of the experiences that led me here. In this article, I want to share the signs that I’ve grown to love myself more and what they mean to me.



Letting Go of Guilt


I used to feel guilty about spending money on myself—about buying clothes or indulging in things I found aesthetically appealing. This guilt extended beyond shopping; it was about having fun in general. I felt like I needed to justify why I deserved a nice outfit or an enjoyable experience. But that changed when I successfully completed a challenging work project that had consumed me for a full year.


After finishing the project, I allowed myself to let go of the guilt. I took solo trips to Shanghai and Paris, exploring cities, eating, shopping, and enjoying everything they had to offer—all without a second thought of work. I even made it a point to leave my laptop behind, fully disconnecting. In those moments, I told myself: I deserve this.


The trips showed me that I could plan and have fun by myself—a skill I’d often relied on my husband for. For years, he had been the one planning our adventures. Now, I was able to do it all on my own and have just as much fun. It felt liberating, and it was a step toward understanding what it meant to truly care for myself.



Being Gentler with Myself


Another sign of my growing self-love has been learning to be gentler with myself. In the past, I would often beat myself up for feeling tired or being in a bad mood, thinking, Why am I so lazy? I should be doing something productive. But now, I allow myself the space to rest and recover. I let myself eat some chips and my favorite candy, indulge in shows that help me relax, or simply take a nap. I've realized that it’s okay to take a break and that listening to what my body and mind need is a form of caring for myself. Giving myself permission to slow down and not be perfect all the time is a powerful act of self-love.


Similarly, I used to dwell on small mistakes I made at work, but now I’ve learned to move past them more quickly, accepting that I am an imperfect human who can make mistakes. As my worries about making errors have diminished, I feel less stressed and more confident overall, which has elevated my performance at work.


Discovering Independence


Since the pandemic, my husband and I had been living and working at home together almost 24/7. We did nearly everything together—watching movies, hanging out with friends, even playing tennis. I don’t particularly enjoy driving, so I also depended on him to drive me around. Our lives were so intertwined that whenever he had his own activities, I felt out of place and missed his presence.


But this past year, things changed. Living apart, I’ve had to confront the reality of my own time and how I wanted to fill it. There was no one else there to decide for me, and this forced me to think deeply about what I genuinely wanted and where my energy was best spent. It was a chance for me to craft my own version of happiness—one that wasn’t dependent on anyone else.


Weekends alone became a time to explore. I spent hours reading in parks and bookstores, watching movies I wanted to see, shopping in the city, visiting art markets, and supporting local artists. I became comfortable in my own company, truly enjoying it. This wasn’t about being alone—it was about being at peace with myself, as a friend.

Designing My Own Time


With this independence came the opportunity to design my time intentionally. I realized that I could create a balance that worked for me, incorporating all the things I value. I’ve found the sweet spot: reading on slow weekend mornings in bed, listening to podcasts while going out for a run or walk after work, pilates over the weekend, meeting up with friends in-person and online once or twice a month, going into the city for shopping and dedicating some time to my blog and workshops each week.


This balance didn’t come easily—it required thought and intention. I needed to reflect on what mattered to me, and how I wanted to allocate my energy. But the reward has been immense: I now have a life that feels more authentically me, one that supports my well-being and brings me joy.


The Moment of Realization


The true turning point came when I lived alone for two weeks while my parents were on their trip to China. I had no obligations, no one to look after but myself. I allowed myself to do exactly what I wanted, without hesitation or guilt. And one night, as I stayed up listening to Taylor Swift’s new album, the thought surfaced clearly and powerfully: I love myself. It wasn’t a fleeting idea—it was a deep understanding that I was enough, that I could take care of myself, and that I genuinely enjoyed being in my own company.


What Self-Love Means to Me


Self-love, for me, has been about letting go of guilt, embracing independence, and designing a life that’s aligned with my values. It’s about allowing myself the space to grow and thrive, alone or with others, without depending on someone else to make me feel complete. It’s knowing that I am capable of making myself happy, whether it’s planning a trip to Paris or spending an afternoon alone in a park.


Self-love doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process, and it took time for me to come to this place of acceptance and joy. But now, I see it clearly: I love myself. And that love is one of the most empowering things I’ve discovered in my life.

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